Sunday, October 3, 2010

Post 42, in which the author makes the acquaintance of his rib cage


Feeling flabby? A little thick in the mid-region? Those last few (and by few I mean 20) pesky lbs/kgs not just shedding themselves?

Have I got the thing for you!

Teach kindergarten at a charter school that operates from 7:30am to 5:00pm. Preferably one that will double as a sweat room/sauna (i.e. no air-conditioning during hot summer days) and replace your need for a treadmill (because you sprint faster than you've ever sprinted before chasing down maniacal five-year-olds before they reach a busy intersection or boiler room or other such disaster-in-the-waiting).

Seriously, folks, join me. I'm trying less than ever before to lose weight. I eat brownies like Bugs eats carrots. I go to the gym and sit on a bike more as a way to watch cable television than do any kind of working out. And yet, I've lost 10 pounds in the last two months, with no sign of gaining back that which is now gone. My concern these days is that the current trend will continue, leaving me waiflike in appearance and unable to maintain my authority over the hordes. For truly who can respect a grown man in loose-fitting skinny jeans?

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